I am DZOI

Life After the Wedding - the Married Life

Aggie Wants To Know.

Topic No. 1: Life After the Wedding - the Married Life.
What are the things you want them to know about life after the wedding?

When I got married, my mother had a very long speech. She spoke so fast for fear of water works that it was hard to understand what she was saying half the time. But the one thing that stayed with me is this: “Marriage is not a bed of roses”

I know before I got married that marriage life has ups and downs. But I had no idea how hard it could be. There are shouting matches, cold treatments, and resentment in every actions and words. And that was when we didn’t have a kid. Now, it’s so much harder because there’s just no time to talk about what happened. We had to kiss and make up quickly for our daughter’s sake that we always fail to find a solution to our problem.

So here’s what I’m going to tell Sandy:

You enter marriage not because all your friends are married and you’re sick of being alone but because you’ve found a person you cannot live without. Since you can’t imagine your life without him, you need to accept all his habits, his fears and weaknesses, his dreams no matter how far fetched they are. Remember your vows everyday - for better or worst, for richer or for pooer, in sickness and in health. It’s a cliché but this is true: “ang pagaasawa ay hindi parang kaning isinubo”. This is why marriage is hard work. Romance fades, even love. It’s a two-man team and both of you should do your best, as if your lives depend on it, to make it work.

Trust me when I say that there will be moments when you just want to be out. But as long as he’s not hurting you and your kids (physically and emotionally), you need to be strong and work with your husband to resolve your differences. Always put yourself in his shoes. Why is he acting this way? Was it something about you or could it be that it’s just who he is? Remember that even though marriage united you as one, you’re still two different people who have different views, dispositions, ways of expressing love and emotion. Find a balance too between being a part of a married couple and being your old self. When the other half is growing up (career, money, hobbies, etc), the other one should be too or else she/he would feel left out. This is where resentment and unhappiness enter the picture.

Be loyal to your spouse. You may find someone else better, stronger, etc. and even if you tell him so (which I suggest you don’t), at the end of the day, you’re still a team and he depends on you to believe in him (and vice versa). Never air out your dirty laundry with the opposite sex no matter how close you are with them. Telling your friends is one thing, but to pour out your heart to a male friend might be taken the wrong way. Communicate with your husband instead, that’s what marriage is for. No matter how hard you fight or whatever conflicts you may have, it should always be you and him against the world.